10 Things I’ve Learned from 10 Years Living in India
As I approach 10 years of living in India, I’ve been reflecting on my journey and what it’s entailed. Starting off in Kolkata and ending in Mumbai, it’s been a roller coaster of extraordinary experiences, discovery and self-discovery, frustration, transformation, and ultimately success. Here are some of the important things I’ve learned along the way.
1. Living in India is Very Different to Traveling in India
Ah, magical, vibrant, spiritual India. A country so full of smiling faces and possibilities. Many visitors are beguiled by India, and understandably so. However, traveling around in a chauffeur-driven car or air-conditioned train, and staying in comfortable accommodations can be deceptive. It insulates from the extent of India’s social issues and challenges of day to day life. What also isn’t readily apparent is that India is a complex and difficult to understand country, with confusing contradictions. Living in India results in these challenges and contradictions revealing themselves, and rose-coloured glasses shattering. It requires a redefinition of your relationship with India, flaws and all.
2. Accept What You Can’t Change
As I began to understand more about how India functioned (or didn’t function), I became increasingly judgmental and critical — as many expats seem to do. I frequently compared India, and all its problems, to my homeland. I got irritated by the lack of solutions, particularly as India has so much potential. Many times, I wondered if living in India was turning me into a bad person. There’s a saying, “Accept what you can’t change”, and to my detriment I was failing to do that.
3. India’s Issues are Not My Problem
Gradually, I noticed that I cared less and less about India’s issues. Was I at last truly accepting India and appreciating people’s determination to survive, and thrive, despite the adversities? Or was it apathy and too much of a chalta hai attitude setting in? Or was it simply that I’d become tired of people telling me that I had no right to say anything negative about India because I’m not Indian. Westerners often feel the need to “fix” India, when in actual fact, India doesn’t want them to!
4. I Can Never Be Indian
I was one of those foreigners who came to India and went out of my way to become Indian. I longed to fit in and gain acceptance. I can cook Indian food, I can eat with my hands, I can drape a sari, I’ve studied Hindi, I touch the feet of elders, I know how to behave in traditional as well as progressive homes, my spiritual beliefs are aligned with Hinduism, and I’ve no doubt seen more of India than most Indians. Yet, the reality is I look different, and I’ve realised I will forever be viewed as an outsider no matter how at home I feel in India.
5. There are Benefits to Being White in India
If I’m going to be treated as a foreigner, then I might as well use it to my advantage at times, right? India has a strong system of hierarchy and auqaat. Indians are extremely status conscious, and for better or worse, white people are perceived to be rich and powerful. This unwittingly catapults us to the top. If something is bothering me, I know people will listen when I complain. I know they will be less likely to brush me off, or give me the run around like they would a fellow Indian of perceived lesser position in the hierarchy. Doors open for me and people rush to be of service to me.
6. It’s Not Only White People Who Are Racist
Yet, the reality is that I’m still part of a minority in India. And, racism exists where ever there are minorities. This includes India. Most Indians will refuse to admit they’re racist though. They think being brown somehow exempts them from it. However, I’ve encountered numerous instances of racism in India — particularly towards people of African descent, people from northeast India (who have Asian appearance), and people from south India (who have darker skin). Prejudice also exists against minority religions (especially Muslims), and non-vegetarians at times. White people don’t escape unscathed either. Most Indians will fawn over a white person but refuse to let their children marry one, as it’s viewed as going outside their caste, destroying their culture, and opening them up to accusations of marrying into the race of a colonial oppressor.
7. Don’t Always Smile and Be Friendly
Racism also extends to me as a white woman in India. I’m erroneously perceived to be “easy” and of loose moral character, thanks to pornography and the fleshy frolicking in Hollywood movies. This translates to a lot of derogatory attention from Indian men. A normally smiley and friendly person, I’ve had to become stern and even aggressive at times to protect myself. To be too nice can be interpreted as a sign of vulnerability or willingness in India. My husband even told me to stop greeting our building watchmen every time I passed them. Otherwise, they may mistake me as being “sexually open” and interested. Some wise words from an Indian woman: Only relax and be yourself around the same class of people as you, otherwise keep your guard up.
8. There’s Commonsense and There’s Indian Commonsense
“You don’t have any Indian commonsense,” my husband used to rue. After much irritation, I came to understand that my western way of thinking would not work in India. I took everything literally. If someone told me that they were coming at 9 a.m. on Saturday, I expected them to and was prepared. Then, I was furious when my time ended up being wasted. I didn’t comprehend why Indians covered so many items in plastic (even the remote control for the TV!). Then I discovered how dust invaded everything. I couldn’t fathom why corruption flourished. Then I found out it’s the outcome that matters in India, not the action. Having to pay a bribe is viewed as bad but if it produces the desired result, it’s good. Kindly adjust a little. I’m indebted to Pavan K. Kumar, author of Being Indian, for helping me unravel the intricacies of Indian behavior with his book.
9. Beauty Can Be Found in Unlikely Places
Let’s be honest, India isn’t always aesthetically or aromatically pleasing. Initially, the dirt and decay, and my lack of material possessions troubled me. But as I looked beyond these superficial things, I found unexpected beauty in everyday things. A tiny temple on the roadside, the rich smell of incense that weaves its way through the air at dusk, a bright bloom, a bird at my window, spontaneity in the streets. I attended a photography workshop and began to see India through new eyes. So many shapes, colors, patterns, forms, contrasts and moments to capture. It was pure delight.
10. It Will Be Alright in the End. If It’s Not Alright, It’s Not the End
Hindus believe strongly in kismet ka karvat lena, the turn of fate. Anything is possible, and there’s always hope and faith that circumstances will change for the better. My first year in Mumbai was particularly tough, as I struggled to be more relaxed and also set boundaries with intrusive people. If any parts of your personality are flawed or require development, it’s certain that life in India will bring them swiftly to the surface. For me, it was my control freak nature and lack of assertiveness that caused problems. I wanted to leave many times. But I didn’t because I’d finally found my passion in life.
I’ve washed clothes by hand in a bucket for two years, lived in an apartment building with infrequent water supply, and survived malaria, dengue fever, bedbugs and a monkey bite. I’ve dined with the Maharana of Udaipur, driven an auto rickshaw across India, gone on a yak safari in Spiti, and traveled solo on local buses through Tamil Nadu. My adventures have taught me to fear less and trust more. I’ve come to believe there’s a solution, a creative jugaad, for everything in India. And when I’m having a horrible day and hating India, something unexpected and opposite will happen to make me smile.
I always appreciate not only your flair for writing but also your cognizance that has given a shape through yours words to deep and inexplicable actions carried out in India. This is surely a commendable job; and worth reading. Hats off to your sense of humor and power of expression it is the gift of God to you and your purpose is high.
I am happy to know that your thoughts once again begin to sprout for writing to enchant your followers and readers. Please never go off-line.
My best wishes and compliments to Ms. Sharell 🙂
Thank you so much for such a lovely, heartfelt comment. It is definitely very encouraging.
Being Indian myself, I relate 100% to all your 10 observations about India. If you adapt to accept India as it is, India is a wonderful country to stay. Of course it has its surprises even for us, but the Indian attitude of Chalta hai can take you around.
You have a good flair to envisage your world with words. Keep on writing and enjoy Being Indian
Sharell: An interesting coincidence; ’10 Things I’ve Learned from 10 Years Living in USA’ would be my story today and I happened to stumble on your blog. I took an exercise for writing out by literally switching America with India from your blog and was a little surprised by how strikingly similar the entire essay read. (E.g. 2. Accept What You Can’t Change
As I began to understand more about how America functioned (or didn’t function), I became increasingly judgmental and critical — as many expats seem to do. I frequently compared America, and all its problems, to my homeland (i.e. India). I got irritated by the lack of *empathetic solutions*, particularly as America has a lot of potential with wonderful day-day individuals. Many times, I wondered if living in America was turning me into a bad person. There’s a saying, “Accept what you can’t change”, and to my detriment I was failing to do that.
(A little bit of background: I worked on a lot of social issues all over the US during my time here, primarily lived in Seattle, the liberal bastion and still had a lot of things to say and am going back to my homeland by choice).
in all, think that’s what brings together humanity in that we try to co-exist amidst a myriad of differences; we dare, we succeed and when we pen things down, it boils down to a similar sentiment when looked from the other end of the lens.
Happy Drifter:
You took the words out of my mouth. While reading the blog, I was saying to myself, it is exactly my experience too living in America. I have been here for 30 years, came here to get my Ph.D. in Mathematics. The isolation of women in Scientific fields was nothing I endured in India. Immediately I saw the added struggle to contribute and excel in my field. Though US physical infrastructure, hygiene and overall cleanliness are far superior to India and many other underdeveloped countries, but there is no infrastructure here for emotional and social wellbeing of an individual. After 30 years, I feel it is hard to form any deep meaningful friendship in this society. With the strong sense of individuality, people go to any length to defend space around themselves. This leaves every individual in a one-man island denying all the nourishments one gets simply by listening and sharing our innermost thoughts and needs with another human being. Because of the prolonged isolation, people here lost the art of trusting another person. The way we live (at least someone originally from another culture) in US leads to an unfulfilled life. I would think, living in India as an Indian is a lot different than as a foreign born person; for indians there is an added pressure to confirm to the society’s norms. Indian society prides itself in its past, that means elders are the local lords in making sure the past is passed on to the next generation. This ensures authority and value remain with the older people as they grow older in accordance with nature, so older people are guaranteed quality of life with the efforts of younger people at the same time not allowing the younger people to flourish in the newer ways of thinking and growing. It is ironical, but that is how they maintain the “old” at the expense of tremendous progress that can be made with new fresh outlook of young educated people. This may be why with huge human capital in India, the country is not able to take advantage of it in any meaningful ways, the strong hold of older generation stifles the potentials of the younger generation. Unless one understands this under current that prevails in that country, one can only be an observer from outside and experience its riches while being frustrated with the invisible hands that robs your “common sense” approach to problem solving.
This is beautifully and thoughtfully written! I can tell that years of experience and reflection have gone into it. I can certainly relate and agree with all 10 points!
So glad to hear that you can relate to it all!
How come I didnt come to know about you earlier ?
I like to keep under the radar a bit! 😉
What you felt in India as a white woman from Australia same happens in Africa & west Asia.
Basically it’s due to different culture & mindsets.
India faced many invasion 1st Mughals from Central Asia then Portuguese French & British. We welcomed all we were innocent honest & very pure in thoughts but all other races tought us lessons one thing haven’t changed that’s our belief in Hinduism & to live peacefully like a tongue between 32 teeth tongue remains but teeth disappear with time.
Indians love other culture & respect other faith. We proud our rich heritage culture & religion. Every state there’s different diety ppl worship lord Shiva Shri Ram shri Krishna Ganesha lord Shrinath ji or many Goddesses
We are best hosts in the entire world.Travelling makes a person open minded understandable & changes approach towards life.
70% ppl in India don’t travel much we have different languages different food & choice of clothing . India was world leader in knowledge wisdom medicine spiritualism & architecture .
Amen! I feel pretty much identified with what you write, but unable to find the explanations and even less the right words for myself. I still wonder many times what is wrong with me or people here. Amazing how you put your observations and the facts you learned into words. Regarding point 7, I guess.I can only relax and be myself with myself 😉 cheers!!!
I’ve spent a lot of time pondering over it all and trying to make sense of it. 😉
Beautiful.
fantastic….thanks for sharing.
This is such a great summary. Things that take 10 years to learn, I’m sure. Thanks so much for sharing!
Glad you liked it. 😀
Very insightful article Sharell, really enjoyed reading it. I have observed very similar things during 5 years in India. One thing I learned is that we can never assume, that now we have finally “understood” India. I guess this country will keep surprising anybody who comes again and again. It is challenging but also the beauty of it.
Yes, there’s never a dull moment. It’s impossible to be bored!
I’m married to an a
Indian and I’ve lived in India but I still do not agree with the plastic on everything! That has become one of my pet peves! I never heard the dust thing this is what my husband says they keep plastic and stickers and new labels on their things so when someone comes to their house they will think its brand new. But I have seen chairs tables even car seats with plastic on them that is barely hanging on serving no purpose for dust, looking new but they still have the skeleton of plastic on them. Someone explain that too me! I don’t believe in indian common sense because its redundant!
Ha! It seems like the plastic is a rather contentious matter. I’m glad I’m not the only one to be troubled by it.
Hey Sharell….I m an Indian and I have read each lines written by you and honestly accept the truth. That’s is reality of our so called modern society though these things were not their in ancient India as much as it’s now. You’ve truly observed carefully n written your heart out without any bias. Still i wish you’re happy to be in India and would love to see you as a contributing factor in changing India as Annie Basent… Thank you. 🙂
Nice blog..Are you back to blogging?
Thanks! No, not seriously. Just writing sometimes.
Sharell! Love, love, love this! I haven’t been in India for anywhere as long as you have but I can relate to a lot of what you are saying and found the other parts really insightful and useful. Thanks for sharing your experiences and reflections about India!
I wonder if the writer’s husband is Indian but seems likely. She has embraced India in a way most foreigners do not.
Yes, he is Indian. Good guess! 😉 I’ve learned a lot from him and his family.
You mentioned in your comments that traditional Indian families will not support their children marrying out of their race/cult/sect, what was your experience with this? How did your husbands family come to accept you? Do you get stared at by the community? thanks
Hi Paul, for me it was a combination of factors in my favour. One of my husband’s brothers already had a “love marriage” to an Indian girl from a different community, so they had learned to accept that (although it took them about a year to do so!). My husband was also in his early 30s, which is past “marriageable age”. His mother had already tried to get him to have an arranged marriage but he refused, so in the end his parents were pleased that he finally wanted to get married, even if it was to someone outside their race. However, what really convinced them that it was okay is that our horoscopes matched! Matching of horoscopes is an essential part of a Hindu marriage. Lucky for me, I also had the right looks… fair with dark hair, which is ideal in India. My husband’s mother did ask what colour hair I had! She was pleased that it’s dark brown and not blonde! 😉
I am India and married an Irish woman for 40 years. Soon after my marriage I went to India in early 1980 and I would say I and my wife were very welcome to both of my parent and the entire relatives. In fact my wife was most admired and welcome. I was born in Calcutta and we have never difficulty wheter we were in Calcutta or Delhi or Goa. We are now in late sixties.
Well done, Sharell, you’ve managed to express a lot, very succinctly. My association with India, and living with my Indian partner, is also 10 years old, this December. It’s overwhelmed and changed my life, and challenged me, in every way possible. It mostly seems like a moving, fluid and changeable relationship and I can barely imagine containing it so succinctly. Well done.
I hope you will write about your experience and what you’ve learned too. It would be wonderful to read.
Very insightful & beautifully written.
Thank you very much!
india is defined by its varied terrain, varied races, all assimilated under the very broad concept of Hinduism. what you see is centuries of impoverishment and poverty. once we get organised after some focussed development, the original culture of tolerance and colour and free-living will be back. regards
Great article
A very good insight. Pure experience in narrative. To a big level, we Indians have the right kind of rules for everything to include hygiene, sewage traffic etc. I do agree to most of what you have said but then i see India as a classroom of 100 students for one teacher to administer. Because of the sheer enormity and such a massive societal difference it becomes too tough to deal with.
Thank you for sharing.
So many truths here – While i was finally becoming more “okay” with changing so much, I still had a lot of hiccups with seeing child beggars – especially when you seem to get to “know” them – a late teen becoming pregnant to becoming extremely pregnant to having a baby to having a 1 year old put their head on your feet when you’re in a rickshaw. In front of a sign against child crime with a cop sitting there. I think if we were to move back again I’d be more prepared, but one thing I think you missed it how EXPENSIVE it can be to live in a city there especially!
wonderful post! even though you are relating your experiences as a foreigner in India,i can relate to some of the situations you face. for example,i am not allowed to be negative or criticize my country..people don’t like it.
have to severe and serious with the watchman and others if I don’t want them to get ideas..Indians are racist..but I think the prejudice towards dark skin colour among south Indians is mostly prejudice and not racism,as in the same family ,we have very light complexioned or fair people who have a more Aryan appearance and very dark complexioned people in the same who have more negroid or Dravidian features..and yet there is prejudice towards dark skinned people in south india too..
Very interesting article, i’ve been to India two times on holidays so far, my favorite country, I’m totally determined to leave my job and spend some time there,I’ll also think that having no idea of how i’m gonna make my living in the future being there will clarify my mind.
so thank you for the tips.
It’s always easier if you come prepared and know a bit about what to expect. 🙂 I hope your plan works out! Hopefully it will all fall into place. It’s always best to take a chance, rather than regret not doing it. And if worst comes to worst and it doesn’t work out, you can go back home knowing that you at least tried.
So eloquent and thoughtful! I can see that you gave so much to this post of yours. And put into words what sometimes so many people want to but fail to articulate. Thank you for that!
It was surprising to me, as I read through the list, that as an Indian with over 10 years in the US, so much applied to my experiences too. Living in the US is definitely very different from traveling in the US. I too will always be a foreigner even in a country which supposedly accepts and assimilates so much diversity. That could be a product of living in the Midwest though. But it is there.
Accepting what I can’t change and understanding that America’s problem are not my problems was also hard. I see social issues here and I wonder why things are the way they are. Even when interacting at an individual level with friends and acquaintances. But they are. And you can’t do anything about them.
What I have also learned is that Racism comes in many forms. And each form can pinch you in its own way. I’ve come across blatantly racist people who refuse to move into a single file on the sidewalk forcing me to step onto the road or the grass/soil as they call me names under their breath as I pass them and I’ve also come across people who, in their wish to seem open minded and worldly start spouting how much they already know about me and my culture and how many people they know from India and it becomes very hard to tell them that their experience is limited to maybe one corner of India and doesn’t apply to me. So I keep quiet. And yet there are benefits to being ‘exotic’ in the US. For sure. I get let off the hook easier. I am given more attention more easily and oftentimes it is clear that is because the other person does not want to appear racist.
I’ve learned that just because someone is smiling does not mean they are friendly. And that their friendly is not my friendly. The rules are different. Very different. And, something that surprised me a lot was that the rules were different for me. Much as Americans talk about how they like their space, I’ve seen how they find they can share space with other Americans more easily than with me. And I don’t think it is racism but rather because they are not used to adjusting to different people and things and especially the unknown. And so often they don’t even realize they are shutting you out. It comes under the guise of not wanting to bother you. But by extension you are never part of the intimate circle of friends who would absolutely wake each other up at 4 am if they are in need or if they are going out for fun. Such instances are quite rare but when they happen, they are heartwarming and end up expanding the worlds of both sides.
Commonsense is a similar issue. When I ask why people do things in a certain way or point out why it is not effective, people blink and realize that they didn’t think about what they were doing so far. Small things like how they spray and clean countertops or how they store things in the house vs how I store things in my house. Its like they never considered an alternative way of doing things. The way I ended up making do with things suddenly becomes ‘genius!’. And it is sometimes eye opening to see how much others don’t consider ‘jugaad’ as an option because there has never been a need for it in their lives and they never got used to looking at alternatives.
And while there is beauty everywhere, I’ve found that I can find the same frequency and depth of kind actions if I keep my eyes and my heart open. Over the last 10 years, and even the last 10 minutes as I read and responded to your post, I’ve found that there is more similarity than not.
Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts and write such a long comment. It’s interesting isn’t it, how it’s necessary to go to a foreign place to realise these universal things!
Yo Sharell keep writing keep observing keep living India. I tell everyone that if theres one place that will change you its India. I am still loving and hating it after 40 years. I was a magic bus driver in the 70s now running a help center for distressed tourists in Goa. I too am writing about my time here. Just listened to radio 2 magic bus the overland journey which you can find on facebook Mark Sandell or Tony Wheeler for the next month. Your writing is very interesting most people do not write down thoughts . I am writing a book at pres . I take it that you live with your husband in Mummers next time your both in Goa pop in an visit at Oppas Noble Nest n Rest Chapora village Vagator . At pres i am in UK my Father Died will be back in October. Forget trying to be Indian were all African DNA shows us
Wow, you sound like an unusual character. 🙂 I’d love to meet up! I can imagine the wild conversations we’d have. I’ll definitely drop by when I’m in Goa next… when ever that will be! Condolences on the passing of your dad… a sad time. I hope he rests in peace.
I am Australian and live half the year in Fort Cochin Kerala and can relate to your writing so much. Once i had understood the time thing, that soon could mean 10 minutes or a month, i always ask: “indian soon or australian soon?”. Depending on the reply i wait, or go about my day as usual.
I can relate somewhat 🙂 – although being married to a Nepalese man is a bit different – Nepal has never been in anyone’s empire and we live most of the time here in the UK. I have experienced racialist comments and attitudes towards my pale skin and UK culture but this has mainly been rooted in lack of knowledge and prior assumptions rather than overt personal racism. I have also seen superior attitudes from some Indian tourists towards Nepali people when living in Nepal short-term – but then when they clock the ‘Bahadur’ has a gorey wife I love to see the inner conflicts and confusion surfacing! Confounding assumptions is the first step to defeating them.
Accepting what ‘is’ rather than comparing to our home country is, as you write, one of the keys to being relaxed in south Asia. I went through your No.2 stage on my second trip to Nepal – I think it’s a necessary process which we have to come through and out the other end.
I have noted overt racialism in Indian popular culture (films, TV shows) which is depressing. As a white woman it gets tiresome to see other pale women being depicted as go-go dancers in significantly skimpier clothes than the Indian ladies.
However these are not significant obstacles to us as a couple and may merely reflect how much societies change and move forward. 50 years ago in the UK we would have experienced these behaviours towards Ram in my own country. India is maybe in the midst of the cultural shifts that started in Europe in the 60’s & 70’s? I am looking forward to seeing everyone move forward together.
Sharell ,after 17 years leaving in India you have put in words my own feelings Thanks
To live in India you must know about jugaad..
I am glad that you wrote your thoughts, I have travelled India as a backpacked since 25 years, and have lived outside India for 7 years,
in my journey i met many friends, travellers and people fascinated by India but i could never have the words to explain to them when things happened, good or bad. I am going to share your article to many of my friends as i see all the questions and answers in it.
Thanks for writing!
Great write-up. As an Indian, I might not agree to everything that you have said. And that is the beauty – I don’t have to. The problem is that we see things and places with a template that we are used to – and that can only lead to frustration. As global citizens, we need to travel and appreciate every place for its own merits and flaws.
All very true!
Sharell, brilliant summary and an accurate assessment of India. I came across this article by serendipity and it was an engrossing 10 minute read. Quite insightful and well written, kudos. I’m an Indian male presently living in the United States and after living here for more than 10 years, I truly appreciate all the good values of both the countries. I could have been one of those unaccepting and racist individuals as described in your article had I not had the opportunity to leave India and get exposure to other cultures. I hope, over time, more Indians can become tolerant and accepting of people from other cultures and ethnicities as their kith and kin. Honestly, this article is inspiring me to write a similar “10 things I’ve learned after living in the US for 10 years”. I thank you for that.
Hi Ram, thanks for your valuable comment. I do hope you write such an article. I would certainly love to read it. I really enjoy learning from people’s different experiences and perspectives.
I loved your article. I was a wanderer who happened on INDIA -many moons ago. Your article reinvigorated me and it is time I returned to the country that I love – hate- love. I traveled it’s roads in the late 70’s for 5 years and it will confront your weaknesses and enhance your strengths all in one hour. And no I don’t want to “fix” anything. Best wishes. Chris
Wow, India in the 70s would’ve been an epic experience! I’m rather envious. I’m sure you’ll notice many changes since then, and many thing that have remained the same.
Wow, India in the 70s would’ve been an epic experience! I’m rather envious. I’m sure you’ll notice many changes since then, and many thing that have remained the same. I’m contemplating writing a post about how India has change in just the last 10 years.
Truly great post ! Travelling with a baby in India has opened my eyes about Indian common sense. I trusted my MIL since she raised many healthy children and grand children, but I was often puzzled by her actions and reactions. I got the aha moment thanks to an Indian child doctor who lectured me. It’s funny to realize how deeply we are formated by our culture of origin, it is so deep that it affects “logic” and reasoning, which we assume to be universal. Our “western” logic cannot function in India because much of what we hold for certain is totally irrelevant in India. It has often happen to me that Indian people stop and point things out to me, especially when I am with the baby (like : “don’t sit there, there is stagnant water and it attracts mosquitoes”, or “don’t let the baby walk in front of the house, the ants are coming to eat the food we put out”)… I think it takes a long time to learn to analyze properly what is going on.
Well Indians have earned the right to be racist I think
The last time the Indians welcomed in foreigners, they proceeded to rule over the country and treat Indians as servants – British Raj
Indians have suffered at the hands of foreigners for centuries… They of all the people in the world should be intolerant of anyone.
But that is not the case, as in India we find many foreigners living in the cities or taking refuge from the homes they left behind
And Blacks ? Google Indians in Uganda to see what they do to Indians, then try and complain about racism lol
Sharell, You get perfect 10 for your words of wisdom. Simply, you are brave to come to India and become part of it. I lived in US & UK for 12 year’s and when I came back to India, it was a cultural shock. It took me an year to reinstall my old Indian software and become Indian again. I have experienced similar feeling’s like you. But today, I totally forget my life aboard, and live like any other Indian again. But, today’s India offers plenty of opportunities for people with your background to explore. If you explore, I am sure you and others like you can really become very successful in this country, and help the poor in this country. The only thing you must learn is to take advantage of the Indian System. I am sure that will give you the true benefit of your adventure to India. India is easy to be successful, you just need to acquire the key to be successful…Wishing you good luck.
Thank you so much, Shiva. I agree, it’s all about learning the system in India and how to use it advantageously. I’m getting there slowly. As you no doubt know, it’s such a different way of operating. 😉
Hi, i am in same place your husbent was and i would like to hear his experience too And please make social network of such people on your website if possible.
Thank you so much for sharing such a wonderful experience
Deepak
Hello I’m from Sikkim, India.Could you tell me when did you visit India?
Hi Sharell , So new blog hmmmmm…..
It is more of a “personal website” than a blog at this stage… not much blogging going on! 😉
The way you said “I can never be Indian” was very heart touching. But u lived the life as an Indian and in your own heart you have felt it which is great. Of course from outside people will always perceive u as a foreigner but that doesn’t matter. And it happens with a lot of people. Not just in India but everywhere.
Hmmmm … Well being an Indian its hard for meto accept , but its absolutely true …
This is the best experience of an expat till date , hope you will continue exploring India … You havent explore north i believe , do plan for Delhi and you will find another world …
Hi Jiten, thanks for your comment. I’ve been to Delhi about four times now, over the course of 15+ years. I’ve been to a lot of other places in the north as well during that time.
Dear Sharell,
I left for work at a reasonable hour and was driving methodically when suddenly an auto came out of nowhere and scratched up my front bumper. I was born and raised here but lived in the U.S for 15 years and have just relocated. This was one of my moments where I was so mad and started questioning everything about my decision to move here. Yes, the country is and will be atleast 50 years behind the times. The issues of personal space or the lack thereof, lack of hygiene, lack of civic sense will not cease. In fact, after I got to work, I started searching for blogs on living in India for the single reason that I wanted someone to commiserate with. I found your blog and boy am I glad that I did. The positivity that you have exuded is amazing and so are your experiences. I guess once can become bitter or one may see these challenges and keep pushing ahead. Life is too short for bitterness and I will now go about my day at work being productive :). Thank you for the inspiration!
Hi Meghana, I’m glad it helped. 🙂 Living in India is a constant and unpredictable rollercoaster — up and down all the time. The trick is to try and find balance I guess. If it’s any consolation, I won’t drive in India due to the behaviour of the traffic. I know it would make me aggressive and furious!
For my world literature class, we had to choose a country to explore throughout the school year. I choose India as my country to research because my uncle lived there for about 2 years and he has told me much about it. He learned more about himself spiritually which is what propelled me to do my project on the country of India.
It was interesting to me how you stated that while you lived in India as a foreigner for 10 years, you found that you were critiquing India as a country. Not necessarily the cultural aspects but more the political and social aspects. This is something that clearly differentiates a traveler from someone like you who lived there for so long. A traveler would most likely not have noticed the complexity of the country, along with the ongoing issues and challenges India faced; therefore not becoming too involved in the country with which they are in. I admire that you were eventually able to accept what you couldn’t change and understand that India’s problems were not your problems, regardless of whether you are of Indian heritage or not. This must have been very difficult coming from such a highly developed, civilized, and well-organized country like the United States. You know this first hand; we, being Americans, have very high expectations of the country we live in even though we are often unaware or forgetful of the fact that almost all other countries are unlike us. Not to sound overly nationalistic, but America is superior to other countries in the world. So having to adjust into a completely different country that does not have near as many opportunities as the United States is undoubtedly not an easy task.
Along with conforming to India’s society, coming to learn and understand the many different cultural characteristics, is also difficult. Like you said when you dealt with racism aimed at you in India, you were no longer able to be openly friendly to the people around you. You had to familiarize yourself with the different norms and standards of which were unknown to you in order to continue comfortably living in India. This includes the major differences in commonsense as well, like you stated in your article.
It’s fascinating to me that during your 10 years of life in India, you were more than just exposed to the culture and other extraordinary aspects of India but you also learned many life lessons throughout your experience.
Hi Natalie, thanks for your thoughtful comment and observations. I totally agree with you — there’s a huge different between traveling in India and living in India. And that’s where the problems frequently start. Foreigners often think India is amazing when they’re there on vacation but it’s a different reality if/when they become exposed to the political and social aspects, many of which are hard to accept and adjust to. There is usually more hate than love for quite a while, until understanding and acceptance grows. The really successful people, who are open to it, manage to learn life lessons in the process! India is a fascinating country. I’m sure your project must’ve been very interesting. 🙂
Hi Natalie,
Just one point -Sharell is not American but Australian. Actually, I’m not so sure about America being superior to other countries. Just saying.
Hey Sharell, How are you? Saw your post after a long time may be more than a year. I was a regular on your previous blog. Ans as usually this one is also a very well narrated ans wonderfully written post.
Thanks so much! 🙂 I’m well. Hope you are too.
Hello, your write-up is covers a wholesome picture and is mostly true. Let me share my thoughts on your points.
2,3. Ideas on fixing India are welcome by some Indians. Majority of any population is not very philosophical and solution-oriented. Sharing your ideas with media/newspapers/TV/govt-websites may fear fruit.
4. This point of yours was very moving. Some of your efforts were extraordinary & unnecessary: draping a sari, studying Hindi, touching feet. If I were you, I am not sure I would be able to do all that (I am Indian male). There has been excessive emphasis in Asia on respecting the authority and conforming.
6. Arranged marriages were preferred to minimize incompatibility/stress/divorce. Earlier you could predict a person’s habits/preferences/outlook from his/her state/language/caste/religion. But no longer, as Indian society is changing and individualism is rising.
7. Media eg Hollywood does shape the perception who cannot observe in person.
10. Mumbai may have been a hard landing for you, as Massachusetts was for me. Mysuru, Pune, Chandigarh, Bengaluru offer a better quality of life.
Sharell,
I thank my stars for letting me find your blog ! I am an Indian , married to one and lived all my life in India , but the last five years that I have been in China.I totally agree to all your ‘Ten Commandments to live in India’. I think you have done a brilliant job by accepting India the way it is and putting your thoughts so beautifully.Racism exists everywhere , it gets too obvious in India while it gets camouflaged in deceptive smiles in the white or yellow parts of the world !However the way you have described the crests and troughs of your journey is commendable. By the way did you know IST(Indian Standard Time) also stands for Indian Stretchable time ?!! Well you already know…!!
Pooja Srinivas
My family left India 160 years a ago I now live in Canada
I have been trying to live in India for 26 years now and cannot get a permit
How can you get a permit and I cannot
My name is bidesh Chand Ramprasad
Facebook bidesh Ramprasad
I’m married to an Indian citizen. I guess you unfortunately don’t have the paperwork that proves your Indian heritage.
Hi, hope all’s well. After living few years in another country I can relate to all.
I want you to see this blog
http://adventuresinhyderabadindia.blogspot.com/2011/09/can-you-say-that-for-me-again.html?m=0
If I get any query regarding India, I link them to ur blog.
That’s a great article, Sharell!
I could relate myself to many points especially trying to become an Indian) That was one of the top goals during my first year)) I had an illusion that it will help me adapt easier) Quite few people could actually understand my experience & behavior at times because as you told, most of travelers are so excited about this whole India brand of color/diversity/spirituality that they hardly experience daily reality of life there. However, India is always a love-hate relationship, isn’t it? Once you are thinking “it’s enough”, India brings unexpected happy moments)
Thank you, for sharing))
Glad you liked it and could relate to it! 🙂
Looting, killing for money, colonizing was done to countless civilizations by almost all of the European nations once the Age of Exploration started. So it wasn’t just Britain and it effected more than just India. Not saying nowadays people are responsible but just expanding on the point that Europe pretty much sucked the resources from the world to become number one. It’s frustrating how today people glorifying about the prosperity of the Western world and look down on the other nations, not realizing it was their doing that led to how the world is today.
What a brilliant piece of writing! Born and living in Northern Europe I have been living also longish periods in Cairo and Tokyo. And your 10 points goes very well to my experiences of both cities as an expat facing different cultures, habits and ways of living. May the infrastructure or standard of living be whatever it usually is different than yours; that’s why these points are applicable to all expat experiences anywhere.
What you said is so true! I never realized how much I was missing, until I started traveling.
This is of help ,planning to travel in India and Explore,
thank you
I loved reading this. Have only been living in India for 6 months now and it’s such a mesmerising place. My eyes get sore when we’re driving as there is always so much to see!
One thing I love about the Indians is their ability to think outside of the box. We (Australians) are raised with so many rules we often think we can’t do certain things easily when an Indian just does it as they don’t factor rules.
I have often said “wow, I never would have thought of that”!
Ah yes, the infamous “jugaad”. It’s an Indian specialty and is really inspiring! 😉
Dear Sharell,i have been following you on facebook and an avid readers of your articles and of late i was looking for Yoga centre in Rishikesh and reading your articles helped me to pinpoint…what i want….finally…i have been confirmed for 2 weeks intensive Yoga Vedanta Program at Parmartha Niketan Ashram….thanks all to you…..keep writing up and entralling us….last but not the least…i wish to meet you someday in person…may be over a cup of coffee….when i am in Mumbai or your visit to Delhi.
Sharell very well said, but india is very diverse and complex, when you say somthing about india opposite is also true
You right that’s why India is called a Incredible India.
After living for 11 years in Germany I think almost all of your observations about India could match to Germany too.
1. Living in Germany (any country) is very different to traveling in Germany (any country)
2. Accept What You Can’t Change
3. Germany’s issues are Not My Problem
4. I Can Never Be a German
5. There are Benefits to Being Indian (especially IT Indian) in Germany.
6. In every country there are some racist and supremist people.
7. Don’t Always Smile and Be Friendly
8. There’s Commonsense and There’s German Commonsense (or rather a German way of thinking)
9. Beauty Can Be Found in Unlikely Places
Germany is 100 times better than India
You could have said every country is special.
Do you know that India is registering increasing strength of tourists with every passing year?
After all, why would Sharell have lived in India for 10 long years too?
Number one reason why I’ve lived in India for 10 years is that I’m married to an Indian. The second reason is that I work in the India travel industry, and need to spend a substantial amount of time in India as part of my job.
….so, you only live in India because it’s expected of you as a wife? And because it’s your job? …And not because of any other factor motivating you from the inside? Is that really true, because I doubt that it is. But only you can tell us though.
My job is the factor that’s motivating me from the inside — it’s my passion! Exploring India, learning about the country, and writing about it is what I love doing. And, that hasn’t changed in 10 years.
Wonderful read and description of life experiences there…my dream is to one day hopefully soon be living in india.
One of my phobias though and I’m working hard on getting over it is snakes and house geckos. Its trivial I know but what’s your experience on that being? Are geckos and snakes commonly found in and around houses in india? If so , how do you’ll cope?
Hi Rea, snakes are rare but you’ll find geckos in almost every home in India. I lived on the 15th floor of an apartment building in Mumbai and there were geckos! They have a bad habit of surprising you when least expected too. :-/ Fortunately, I’m not at all scared of them. The important thing to keep in mind is that despite what people say, they’re harmless (plus they’re good to have around because they eat other insects). They will be much more scared of you than what you are of them. The ones I see run away really quickly! So, try not worry about them. I promise they won’t bite you and aren’t poisonous.
Hi….sharell it is very wonderful points about our indian country. thanks sharell
well sharell I just want to wish you all the very best for the rest of your life. we perceive the western culture as a heaven and we have a perception that a foreigner is more of a flamboyant and well more educated, what we always tend to forget is its upon you on how and what you desire to be, we all are bound by 3c’s caste culture and climate all these factors bringing in unusual and unexpected surprises, indians myths contradicting the facts and beliefs for which there is no defined logic, the courage you’ve shown and the way you’ve fought, most people cannot, still you have much more 2 learn and not everything can be expressed in alphabets keep exploring. Bon Voyage.
Thank you, Aniruddh, for your kind wishes and encouragement. 🙂 The things you’ve mentioned are true. In particular, one of the things most valued in western culture is individuality (over community). But while we may have more freedom to be how we want and do what we want, it often comes with a price of being isolated (although we may not realise it). Western culture definitely isn’t heaven. It may be more liberated but it has its own set of challenges. On the other hand, westerners often perceive India as a warm, welcoming country of smiles, spirituality, om shanti, and namaste. 😉 They have no idea about the “3cs” or other constraints that exist! There really isn’t any utopia. Wishing you the best too!
Hi Sharell,
A foreigner living in India for like 10 years would inevitably be able to speak Hindi.
So, hows yours
Would love to hear about it as well.
I studied Hindi for 3 years using textbooks (no teacher or classes). It was challenging, but I learned to speak, read and write. You would be surprised though how many foreigners can’t speak Hindi even after living in India for a long time. They never bother to learn.
You are absolutely right dear Sharell. All the best for you…!
I really loved this article. I am an indian born and raised in the US. I married an Indian born in India and we have been living in the US since we have been married. Our circumstances have changed in which we may have to move to India.
I am so scared about and if we move. What is the best place to move in India if you still want the american lifestyle and ammenities.
I can deal with the uncleaniness in India but I don’t feel I can deal with all the Poojas over the healthcare of a person, the loss of independence, not being able to cook again (if we have to live my inlaws) , not be able to drive again, and waiting for my husband to come back from work.
I have not been able to find any articles of how to adjust to life in India if you have been born and raised in the US.
We have gone to India at least once a year. But I have only been able to stay in India for 1 to 3 months at a time before I get overly sick. I am also allergic to mosquitoes, have asthma, and am allergic to dust and pollen, and my symptoms get worse when I am in India.
Any advice or articles you can provide me would be appreciated.
Hi Shanthi, I agree, it will be a great challenge for you. I recommend Mumbai, as it’s the safest and most cosmopolitan city in India (I wouldn’t live anywhere else). However, unfortunately, real estate is extremely expensive in Mumbai, the city is overcrowded and there’s way too much traffic (you can expect it to take 1 hour to travel just 15 kilometers even during off-peak times). I would also highly recommend that you live independently, and not with family. You will need your privacy and freedom, and your different lifestyles will clash. As for the other issues that you mentioned, I’m not sure what to say. It requires a lot of adjustment but your health may be a particular problem, especially certain times of year when pollution is highest. It might help you if you can take regular trips to mountain areas in India, where the air is fresher. Wishing you all the best for this difficult situation. I guess I can deal with the challenges in India easier because I love my work here and feel fulfilled. Honestly, I’m not sure it would be the same if circumstances dictated that I had to be in India. Hopefully, you’ll find a way to make it okay.
Dear Sharell,
I came across your blog today exactly at the time that I need it the most.I am at the point in my life that I am just deciding to quit my monotonous life,and to leave to India to find myself and what I can contribute to life;to really live my life.I am in my 30s, single asian woman and I guess this is the turning point in my life.I have traveled many times to India infact I just came back from Delhi.Since back,I am having this feeling of emptiness and I keep asking myself how long am I going to wait to do what truly makes me happy.For some unknown reason,I am in love with the food,the people and culture in India.Money seem to be a secondry issue to me right now as I am looking for happiness and a purpose of living this life.I just wanted to thank you for writting such an inspirational blog and wish you all the best.Thank you again for giving me a vision of what I should be doing with my life!
Lots of love and happiness
I’m so glad I inspired you and I hope you find the fulfillment you’re looking for! 🙂
Hasha:
I share your feeling. I would like to connect with you and explore anything we have in common to pursue. I am an Indian born but lived in US all my adult life. I live in SF Bay Area. Please send me email at renerama2002@yahoo.com if you like. Looking forward to our connection.
Hi
I’m Abhijeet. And reading about your experiences today in Oct. 2016. I believe that a fabric of diversity is what keeps a nation strong rather than the homogeneous cultures masquerading as nations. And your American flavor has only strengthened the Indian fabric. A seamless world is what I look forward to.
Thanks so much. I too hope for an integrated world that celebrates diversity. BTW, I’m Australian not American. 🙂
Your comments about acceptance are very true, and it one of the first major lessons any visitor to India has to learn. It is connected to the different attitudes to time – Western countries follow linear time, while traditional India follows cyclic time. But India is changing, because the traditionalist’s passive stance of helplessness in the face of inexorable destiny goes way back to the Indus Valley civilization of closed village communities. India is opening: not just the shift to monetarism replacing the jajmani system, but an opening up of the culture on deep level. There is, from this, a shift to an active attitude, that change can, and indeed should, happen. For the Indian, this means a new youthful dynamism to confront the seemingly impossible task of bringing about change. For the westerner, firstly they have to shred their simplistic attitudes of annoyance, to ‘love through’ the frustrations, to relinquish the desire to impose efficient order, and just ‘give up’ in the face of something far more vast and older than they could ever have conceived existed. Only then should they seek to participate in the great changes of India. One thing the foreigner can emphasize, is the need to retain authenticity in a culture in danger of losing its soul through imitation. Not everything new and western is worthwhile , and westerners know this intimately – it’s one of the reasons they fall in love with India.
hello. I came across this entirely by chance – as I was googling ‘Foreigners in india – registration’ (due to the current confusion between PIOs and OCIs etc etc) – and came across this interesting title – and the very nice blog that you wrote, together with the great comments. Your 10 points clearly resonate. They certainly do with me. So I too am here since I am married to an Indian. I now live in Gurgaon, outside Delhi – having started in Lucknow at a time when there were very few foreigners. That was over 30 years ago – maybe I will add another 20 things to your 10!
I want to live in India. I feel the united kingdom has completely lost its culture if it had any in the first place. I have met countless indian people here in the Uk and i have made up my mind india is a place i want to live.
Admittedly it will take me a few years to get enough money behind me to go live there. The only thing that concerns me is finding a job or would i be better off marrying, buying a plot of land and being a property developer. I do have multiple skills within the construction industry for over 20 years.
It is not a decision i am going to take lightly and there are still many things i am unsure about. Is there much help and support from expatriates or will i have to be completely self sufficient. Either way i prepare myself over the next few years in anticipation for my life changing experience.
You did the right thing Sharell and im sure i will be doing the right thing also in a few years time.
Simon:
I am an Indian born but lived all my adult life in US. Now I feel this country lacks something fundamental that is required for nourishing the mind and soul. I am also planning to return to India. But one difference between our backgrounds is that I know what India has to offer to the quality of an individual’s life. I will like to start a conversation with you to find out whether we can work together on projects for our mutual benefits and to help local society.
@Simon Robinson: having lived and worked in Delhi for 6 years, I’d strongly advise to first try and live in India for a couple of months if I were you. Unless you have Indian nationality or OCI status, forget about purchasing and owning land, it’s not legally possible (except if you own a company, in which case the company may acquire real estate). There are plenty of real estate wallas in India and competition is stiff + you’ll need plenty of local connections to get anything done once babus and permits are involved. Even just getting a visa that extends beyond what a tourist can get (max. 6 months, no employment) will be a challenge. Many Indians are highly qualified, know their way, have a family/social network to fall back on and still have to struggle every day, working long hours for -in western eyes- desultory income. If you want western standards, prices are extremely high. Yes, there’s cheap, but cheap goes a long way down.
@Sharell: Thanks for the post, the phases you went through were very recognisable. After 6 years I moved back to the EU (posting came to an end and to be honest, I needed a break from India) but I confess, I still miss it and will certainly return.
welcome our culture is very different culture comparing to you in that you will be lucky person for knowing that
Here you can find schools in india if you have kids! http://www.skoelly.in
Hey Sharell,
Your observations about India, this mystic land for many are true to the core. We have our short comings but we Indians are the most hospitable people in the world and I am sure you would agree with me 🙂 you being half Indian now :). Your story is worth reading time and again and would inspire many to battle the odds and come out winners. Keep writing and welcome to India 🙂
you surly have written a nice and cool word about India…even though some of them are not so good qualities of us but we ourselves don’t know why we wont change..thanks for excepting us like how we are..and really many of us think Foreigners are easy going cause of those holly movies…and about your 5 point the reason we look up to, what you call ‘Whites’ is that the British rulled us for over 200 years so either you will find will-kill-you-if -you-come-in-front-of-me people cause of the history or will find oh-you-were-so-great-you-ruled-over-us kind of people…but the latter are seen more..cause maybe India has a quality that they mostly appreciate the good in others like how the Brits had the capability to rule us for so long and more over we overthrew them so many also think that now we are over them and hence should admire them for there beauty(cause most whites are really fair and fair=beauty in india as we are tropical country and hence we have tanned skin a lot)…..
but non the less I enjoyed reading your write up a lot…..recently I m getting in to kpop and kdramas so after knowing that they are so deep rooted in there culture I ind of wanted to know every detail of my own so I stumbled upon your article and I enjoyed it a lot!!
Thanks!!!
An absolutely fascinating thread. I read every word and appreciate the diverse views. My wife and I returned from our seventh visit to India a few weeks ago. I liked your comments about living in India being different from traveling in ac limo and good hotels. Our last visit started in Calcutta and ended In Mumbai with many places in between.
We have no intention of living in India as we understand the visa limitations but also we have ties to our native U.K. Our plan is to have a slightly longer holiday with a stable base rather than constantly travelling.
Having visited all major cities and many smaller ones we find it hard to decide where to go next. Both in 70s it may be our last.
Your list rang many bells. Yes we were made very welcome as visitors and everyone wanted to take photographs of us with their family groups but we are not Indian and don’t expect to be treated as part of the family or part of the community. We don’t want to change India and we accept the frustrations of things being different from uk where we politely stand in queues and courteously let people pass. But we are learning that this is not considered rude, but normal.
Hi Conrad, great to come across such adventurous people in their 70s! I’m sure it keeps you young. 🙂
Dear Sharell, You had observed India very nicely. You expressed your views very beautifully here. All the points that you discussed, are true. Sometimes we had to loose or gain something in our life. You can’t change them. Anyway, wish you very best for the rest of your life.
I am Indian who has been living in the US for about 9 years now. I recently visited India (Last week actually) and I agree with all your observations. For a person who has lived 24 years in India, I have lived the life a typical Indian. Yet, when I visit my country now I feel disconnected. I can only imagine the hardships faced by someone like you who has been brought up in a western country where there is a sense of orderliness, decency and personal space, all of which are missing in India. One thing I did notice in India after visiting after few years is that people are surprised and pleased when they hear the words ‘sorry’ and ‘thank you’. They do not expect to hear these words from people and you can literally see their faces light up when they hear these words. (probably more so coming from an Indian like myself)
I don’t know why but I always get nervous when I see foreigners ‘living’ in india. Because the culture is just so different.. I always secretly wish for you to go back – unless you are a diplomat, scholar or a spiritual seeker. Recently, the american youtuber ‘Surfing Violinist’ moved back to america – and I felt happy and relieved for him. I just wish those who wish to make india their home know exactly what they are getting themselves into. And that, if they are having to compromise too much and face too much hardships/ boredom – then they please be true to themselves and move back.
I do actually understand why you think that way! 🙂 I always advise anyone who moves to India, especially those moving for love, to have something they’re interested in or will enjoy doing in India. Otherwise, they will most likely end up being miserable in the end and want to go back. For me, it’s my work. I’ve traveled all over India and am passionate about it.
Is that you, above the article ?
Stunning… 😀
Well, I am a kid from India, from a northeast village. (Sucks at English, and shame for it)
I am so sorry about your experienced here..
It sucks…
There are some of us, you will find great talking too.
Majority of Indian people are not creative and open enough to do something new. There is a meaningless lifestyle competition here between people, just to live a luxurious or regular life.
Knowledge ? Students go to University or colleges just for job, nobody cares about LEARNING IS FUN, Let’s learn and teach for free and fun. (I do free math tuition, but usually get a lot of abuse from society, patents as I am college dropout and wasting time teaching kids for FREE)
FREE is ILLEGAL here… (I believe)
Freedom ? What it means anyway ?
Don’t know about US, but I can openly say, I am done here…
I am considered as distroyed life boy here, because I left college, and wanted to learn by myself.
These days, I don’t go out anywhere, just sit at home, do whatever I want (Play with Linux System, Economics and Math) and just I am alive somehow. But I am f**kin done here.
Don’t know about US, but I believe I can get some meaningful insult there, which will make me more competitive & creative rather than frustrated. I enjoy knowledge, not certificates and that’s my fault. That’s it.
Yes, that’s me at a friend’s wedding reception. I know, it’s difficult not doing what society expects and following a different path. It requires much courage, which it sounds like you have! I wish you all the best. Be bold and take some risks/chances, and I’m sure everything will fall into place for you. It will be worth it to have a fulfilling life, rather than a soul crushing one.
Hie frustrated Indian. Your comment is 100% true even me too frustrated from here.
Life is full of surprises you never know what you will see around the corner or when you turn back or move ahead. I believe every thing happens for a reason, wheather its good or bad. Life is an adventure and even the Gods want to be born as a person and enjoy it. I am glad you are enjoying India and the Indian culture. India welcomes all also there are more Muslims in India then in Pakistan, not sure how they are a minority. In life our one goal should be to achieve Moksha.
Rajiv
As far as my concern now India’s people changing their thoughts. Hopefully we will see the good result. 🙂 Thanks for your information
Thank you sharing your thoughts with us. I can understand that living in India can be frustrating sometimes. There are lot of things that is wrong in India but the sad truth is that despite knowing it no one does anything to fix it. Politics and religion play an important role in the mechanics of India. And the so called leaders exploit this to their benefit. Unless they get freed of these corrupt politicians nothing good can happen in India.
Hi Ms. Sharell,
The more you will stay in India the more you will understand India and eventually you will start loving India.
I really appreciate you way of explaining India and agree with you for all you points.
Stay happy and keep writing.
Hi Vivek, so true. I already do love India. It’s unconditional love that comes from understanding. 😀
India is in many ways an enigma, not least to those who live in it!
I love this post and i can imagine your experience living in India.
Living in India I can relate to every point of the post. The way you explained every part of India is the love and understanding India!
Hi I have found solace in your article. What few suggestions do you have for me meeting my significant others family for the first time? He is the love of my life and we plan to get married. I am a little nervous as I am American and he is from New Delhi and it is clear to me their opinions are really what determines everything so I am happy to have come across your writings. Thank you
Hi Jamie, I would suggest learning some of their language and dress up nicely in an Indian outfit to meet them. Also, express to them how important family values are to you. If you show to them that you’re willing to adapt and try to make an effort to fit in, they should like you. 🙂 However, ultimately what convinced my in-laws to accept me was the positive matching of our horoscopes! Best of luck!
Great information. Thanks for sharing . To know cost of living in India check out our website – https://costoffliving.com/india/
I find your post quiet interesting and most of them are quiet true. Having said that you said you have to wash clothes with hand for sometime. Honestly where you living in a remote isolated suburb in India? I always used washing machine when i was living in India. I would say you are brave person who has decided to live in India. I live in NZ and there is no way i could come back and live in India . It is a not a great to raise kids and for mixed race kids India is not a fancy place to live either. It is a rat race and it is hard on kids why not give kids a better opportunity to live in western society than having them to struggle in places like India and start all over.
PS : I am not judging your decision i expressed my opinion and challenges of living in India
i wish you good luck and give credit to you for living in India
Hi Vikas, in regards to the washing machine, I was living in short-term rented accommodation in Kolkata. There may have been facility for one there but it wasn’t provided. I also lived in a bungalow in a beach town in Kerala and there wasn’t facility for a washing machine. Happily, I have had a washing machine for many years now in Mumbai though! I agree in regards to your opinion on raising kids in India, and I certainly wouldn’t do it in Mumbai!
Hello Sherell,
My name is Mackenzie Laib and I am a senior at Arapahoe High School. For an English project, I am supposed to research what it’s like for someone to live in India and what their experiences were and all that good stuff. As I was reading your article, I was fascinated by the way you were explaining the culture and what India was really like. I do have some further questions if you don’t mind answering them? As I was reading the section on accepting what you can’t change, and was wondering if this feeling of judgement ever really went away as you became more familiar with living in a different country? I find it interesting that you were thinking that moving to this new country was turning you into a bad person. I know that you wrote about how there is racism in India, did you have any bad experiences with that? Is it as bad as the racism that is now in the US? Did you see people that were apart of different castes? Did you see any crimes regarding the caste system? Something that I found super intriguing was the fact that you couldn’t smile and be as friendly as you wanted to be when you’re in India, I would have never guessed that you would have to do that being a white woman. Were you ever afraid that something bad was going to happen to you while being so friendly with the people in India? I know I’ve asked many questions, thank you!
Hi Mackenzie, that’s an interesting project! Interestingly enough, the feeling of judgement has lessened the longer I’ve been living in India. It’s been 12 years now, and I think as everything has become more familiar to me and I’ve come to understand the way India functions more, I’ve become a lot more accepting and don’t react to things the way I used to. Which is great! Racism in India is different to what I imagine it to be in the US, because it exists a lot within India itself (not necessarily among foreigners in India). It is generally based on skin colour (for example, fairer skinned Indians look down on darker skinned Indians. And northeast Indians, who have Asian appearance, are also discriminated against. Indians who migrate to other states also often face discrimination, because each state in India has a different language and culture). In regards to differing castes, it is less problematic now, as lower castes are being educated. There is much less distinction between the castes. However, many people still do look down upon those who have low-level jobs such as watchmen, waiters, maids etc. People who are of African descent do face racism in India, because of their dark skin colour. As someone who is white in India, I don’t face the same issues because being white is considered to be desirable. However, if I am too friendly, it can be perceived as a weakness that can be be taken advantage of or as a sign of sexual interest (in men). India is evolving although it largely remains a conservative country, where men and women don’t openly interact. Hope that helps!
very interesting, I liked it
Nicely written! I enjoyed reading about your experiences. India is lucky to have you and in my view, as an Indian myself, you are as Indian as you feel! Also very much agree with the reader’s comments on the social and emotional infrastructure of Indian society. An often upsoken of and unrecognised asset.
Jai hind
Hi
I was born in India, grew up in USA , tried to move back to India but no one wanted to hire me with business degree and all only offered me fresher jobs at 7K rupees best offfer was at 15K rupees. I liked your article and particularly how Indian people put whites on pedestal but I was no less educated but laughed at for moving back to India by employers.
My India is a very beautiful place where I am living now. It’s people are friendly . And you know , they feel so nice to see the tourists visiting the place. There are yet many things to be discovered. My favorite city is Jaipur and Kolkata. Come and visit once again with yr more friends and family.
Here , indian babies would love to play with tourist babies. They will insist to bring the babies in their home and ask the parents to let the tourists stay for more days. We love the guests. And still , we need to improve our Tourism sector. Do you remember someone might greeted you ‘ Atithi Devo Bhava ‘ . W E L C O M E A G A I N 😊😊
Wow! this is so cool!
I couldn’t stop smiling (at times laughing as well) reading the 10 points!
So true and so very well written. K
Keep writing please.
I lived in India for 3 yes but it was my nightmare ! I faced racism at every angle I turned from shopkeepers , rickshaw drivers, landlords if they don’t want to cheat you they don’t offer u service coz of ure skin Colour. I got depressed and I started regretting why I came to India , people gave me bad looks whenever they saw me walking with my Indian female friend from the creepy Indian men to old people who used to stir at us with disgusting looks I just lived in fear always but inspire all of that I loved Pune and its weather especially the monsoons, the food especially chicken tandoori and I love listening to arijit Singh music .
I am planning to return and stay in Hyderabad, India after 10 years with my us born 2 kids. Just came across your blog. Just wondering how it will be in terms of hygiene and heat. I donno I will just accept as it comes.
Hi Kumar, hygiene may have improved but heat will probably be worse! Accepting it as it comes is the only thing to do really.
Nice / Honest post. Yehan saab chalta hai 🙂
Hi Sharell, congratulations!!! superbly authored article. One question for you – are most Indians shy to interact; or low confident to open up with a co-passenger? And thanks.
Hi Vishal, thank you so much. In answer to your question, I find that most aren’t shy at all. They’re talkative and inquisitive.