How Doing a TEDx Talk Taught Me I Don’t Have to be Perfect
There’s a good reason why I became a writer and not an actor.
Although I can be deceptively outgoing and sociable, at my core I’m an introvert who dislikes large groups and being the centre of attention. Writing was the ideal way to express myself and remain out of the spotlight. This worked well for a while, until what I wrote and my story started attracting attention. With the attention came invitations. The worst of them, in my mind, were invitations to appear in public. If those invitations involved speaking in public, they gave me the shudders and were to be avoided!
The first time I was asked to do a TEDx talk in India a few years ago, I flatly refused. I felt totally incapable of it and didn’t want to subject myself to such an ordeal. However, when I was recently asked again, I knew I couldn’t say no a second time. Many people would love such an opportunity. I didn’t want to be, possibly, the only loser in the world who had turned down two of them! Besides, the theme of the event interested me and I actually wanted to participate.
I knew it was going to be the most challenging experience of my life though.
For those who are unfamiliar with the format of TEDx talks, they must be no longer than 18 minutes, and delivered without reading from notes or prompts. Some speakers are so proficient that they can improvise as they go along. However, the majority of speakers fully memorise their talks. This ensures they get their ideas across succinctly, for maximum impact, and don’t ramble.
There was no way I’d ramble. Rather, the opposite. If I didn’t memorise what I was supposed to say, the terror of being on stage would make me incoherent. Memorising the talk still created a risk. Like a theatre actor, I might get stage fright and forget my lines. Being alone up there in front of a big audience, with bright lights directed on my face, would be so unnerving.
For better or worse, I’m a perfectionist who sets high standards for myself. Such perfectionism probably stems from insecurity. If I do something well, there’s less chance of being criticised.
It was difficult knowing, and having to accept, that I wouldn’t be able to deliver the talk to the standard I wanted to because I’d be so far out of my comfort zone. However, as a friend said, it’s not about you. It’s about what you can share with others. And, it would be selfish not to do it.
My goal was just to get through the talk without making too many mistakes. And, thankfully, I achieved that. I also achieved something I thought I’d NEVER do (and something that a lot of people probably thought I’d never do)! Yet, I found it easy to berate myself for not being perfect. I was so freaked out I nearly ran off the stage! It was obvious how scared I was.
My friend was right though, it really wasn’t about me at all. It was about my story, my message. And, it was about the students who told me it had inspired them.
Sometimes, rather than being perfect, it’s better simply to be real.
There are people who are amazing speakers. However, all of them had to start somewhere. Most of the time, we don’t get to see where they start though. Instead, we only see how good they’ve become, and it can be intimidating. It’s common to feel nervous when standing on the stage for the first time (or even the 100th time, according to some theatre performers). By showing that vulnerability and doing the talk anyway, I also showed those students with a fear of public speaking that it’s possible to overcome it. They could relate to me.
What was imperfection to me, was empowering to others.
The theme for the TEDx talk was Symphonic Chaos. I spoke about what happened when I threw myself out of my comfort zone and into the chaos, and the resulting symphony — how I went from being an accountant who hated change to a travel writer living in India, and what I learned along the way.
Part of my talk was about the importance of taking action to overcome fear and self doubt. So, in doing the talk, I completely lived it. And, a strange thing happened. Around halfway through the talk, I realised that not only could I do it, a part of me (that wasn’t still terrified) had unexpectedly begun enjoy it.
I went from almost convincing myself not to give the talk, and having one of the most challenging experiences of my life, to having one of the best and most enriching experiences of my life. An experience that I’m very grateful for.
The TEDx event was held at IIT (Indian Institute of Technology) Roorkee in Uttarakhand, one of India’s top engineering colleges, and professionally organised by an outstanding group of students there. Getting to meet them and see inside the impressive campus was really insightful.
To put it in perspective, only 6,000 or so places are offered at these IITs across India every year, and hundreds of thousands of applicants sit the entrance exam. Many of the graduates go on to become entrepreneurs and found startups that are changing how India functions. It was exciting to envisage the impact these students and their ideas will have on India in the future, and how India will develop in the next decade.
For those who would like to see my talk, it’s available here on the TEDx YouTube Channel.
Awesome Sharell!!!
Look at you go. ๐
I’m a long time reader of your blog and it’s exciting to see this.
Thanks so much! ๐ Yeah, I decided it’s time to step things up a little. After recovering from the trauma of it all, I’m excited too.
Well done! The wisdom of age and experience eh? So good.
Thank you! There are indeed some benefits of “maturing”… I won’t say getting old because I refuse to accept that! ๐
Sharell, this post made me realize we have more in common than just being married to Indian men. I can vividly imagine what you went through and i am so proud of you for doing it. I am about to conduct a writing workshop for students here in Bhopal for the first time next month and I am also terribly nervous about it, because like you I am a perfectionist and highly critical of myself. But this post gave me courage. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much, Elisabeth. It does indeed sound like we have much in common! I can imagine how you’re feeling about doing the workshop. I’m really so happy that my post has given you courage for it. I’m learning that it’s amazing, when you just put yourself out there and be authentic, you never know who will be helped by it. Wishing you all the best for the workshop. I’ll be thinking of you! If I can do a TEDx talk, you can definitely do it. ๐ Try not be too hard on yourself. (Easier said than done, I know).
Hey! I was there on that day, among the crowd. Your talk was marvelous. Thank you.
That means a lot to me to hear that, thank you so much. It’s really encouraging. Best wishes for your studies and the future!
you are now a celebrity. So happy for you ๐๐๐
Haha, believe me, that’s the last thing I’ve wanted to become. ๐
Wow! This has been an amazing journey from a blog to a TED speaker!! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your diary of a white indian housewife long ago and feel so good about the fact that you achieved so much in a foreign land in such a short span. Looking forward to the video! Congrats sharell
Awwww, thank you heaps Priya! It’s been an incredible journey that’s for sure.
Nice to see you here Sharell, Its time to go high, Look like you are going to be very high in coming days… and i hope it will be done fastly..
Congrats again…!!
That was very bravely you, but if you didn’t try how would you know you could do it. Bravo !!
Exactly! ๐ Thanks so much.
Congratulations ๐ your story has inspired me also.
This post appeared right when I needed a motivational boost. Our beliefs resonate with me so much and thank you for sharing!
That was ART! The story of your life transformation combined with the realization that you were an introvert doing a public talk and perhaps moving into another transformative moment in front of us, was amazingly symbolic. I’ve seen hundreds of TED talks but listening to your prior triumphs through embracing resistance and moving forward while simultaneously watching you doing it again with public speaking created real depth of meaning. Considering the decisions I’m facing in life now, your dichotomy of past victory being delivered though new footing of performing IMPACTED me so much more than if it came from a 30 year veteran presenter. Very Inspiring!
Eli, thank you so so much! That is the most awesome feedback ever, and really means a lot to me. It’s super encouraging, and makes me so glad I threw myself out there and did it. I really hope it helps you with your situation going forward. Wishing you all the best, whatever path you choose to take.
The talk was good. Well done.
PS. keep posting once in 6 months so that we dont get to assume you have been abducted by Maritians.
Haha! Good idea. I’ll do that. ๐ (I’m active on social media though, so that would be reassuring).
Awesome! Good for you. You did great!
Thanks for the kind words, Chris!
Amazing. First, since you are such a talented writer, I loved your Book, Henna for the Broken Hearted, and hope you will write another. I never guessed you would have a hard time speaking in public. Great Talk and I knew you could do it; wish you knew too.
Smiles from Las Vegas
Liz
Hi Liz, lovely to hear from you! I’m pleased you enjoyed the talk. Yes, I really don’t like being the center of attention but I’m glad I forced myself, and found out what I’m capable of. Hopefully, I’ll get to visit you one day! ๐
Absolutely inspirational, thank you for sharing your personal journey and insights.
It was really inspiring. One thing to learn from your speech is that we need to fight our demons within and throw ourselves to new challenges. Thanks. Keep it up.
Thanks Sandesh. Glad you found it meaningful.
Hello Share,
I just now read your article about Kolkata. Though I have been living in USA for nearly 32 years, away from Kolkata where I was born and lived for 37 years, your writing brings nostalgia about this great complete city with a soul. I specially congratulate you giving important information in few words but at the same time capturing the essence of Kolkata. Satyajit Ray once said especially to foreigners visiting Calcutta ” If you can survive the initial assault of the city, you will slowly realize how friendly this city is for everyone, rich and poor” (not exact quote). I wish you all the best in your writing career and a wonderful life in India. You have done a better job than what India’s tourism media does .
Thank you very much. That is such a wonderful compliment to receive. Kolkata has a very special place in my heart.
I have read your blogs and am amazed and impressed by how well you gather information regarding the places you visit. Your next step can be to open up a Travel Firm. Of course, it will take someone time to rise but it will be very good for you and your customers in many ways.
Thanks so much, Ravi. It’s a labour of love, I really enjoy learning about India and sharing the info with people. Of course, the perfectionist in me wants to write the most informative articles possible! ๐ I greatly appreciate your encouragement — it will definitely keep me motivated.