Why I Stopped Blogging (and Haven’t Regretted It)
When I moved to Mumbai in 2008, I started a blog about my life in India married to an Indian guy. At the time, there weren’t many blogs like mine. It was disappointing, as I was going through a huge transition and wanted to read about the experiences of people in similar situations. I documented my thoughts and life in detail (the good, the bad, and the ugly!), in the hope of making sense of everything and helping others.
Even though I never promoted my blog, it quickly became popular. It reached 5,000 page views a day and had a wide readership. In fact, it was so wide that I was frequently recognised at parties and on the street in Mumbai. My blog also got me a deal with a top Australian publisher to write a book.
Fame, name and status! How fantastic, you might think. Except, increasingly, it didn’t feel fantastic. I never wanted any of those things, and I developed a growing sense of unease with it. By the end of 2013, I had stopped regularly updating my blog. Many of my readers got in touch with me to ask why. They wondered if I was okay.
Sadly, the reason why I wasn’t writing was because I wasn’t inspired to. My blog had becoming burdensome, demanding, and intrusive. While I was blessed to have interacted with some wonderful people (some of whom became my good friends in real life) and learned a lot, I grew tired of publicly sharing so much of my life, answering questions about my life and other people’s lives, and dealing with stalkers and Internet trolls.
What’s more, it felt limiting being defined as a “blogger”, “expat”, or someone in a “cross-cultural relationship”. More and more, I felt like my life wasn’t my own anymore. It was wearing me down.
Quite simply, I felt freer, less stressed, and more relaxed having time away from my blog.
And, I know I’m not alone in having felt that way. Some people, like me, have chosen to stop blogging about their lives. But many haven’t. They enjoy writing, and also don’t want to be seen as a quitter.
I’m definitely no quitter! And, I don’t see giving up my blog as quitting. Rather, I view it as moving on from something that’s no longer in my best interests and doesn’t serve me.
I do love to write though. And, fortunately for me, I have another (professional) outlet for my writing — my job creating the India travel content for US-based travel site Tripsavvy (formerly About.com). This is my real passion, and it’s suited me to be able to devote more time to it. If you’re interested in India travel, I post all my articles to my About India Travel Facebook Page. Please like it!
It’s not all rosy though. I dislike having let down my loyal readers, many of whom still inquire about my blog. However, these days there are a some excellent blogs written by foreigners married to Indians, and foreigners living in India, that people can use as resources.
Plus, this new personal website of mine does have a blog. So, I may not remain completely silent!
Hi Sharell
I do have to say I am one of the people who has definitely missed your WIH blog and I completely understand why you stopped.
Love your photos, you are definitely a gifted photographer.
Let’s hope this blog will only be a positive experience!
Melanie
Thanks so much for your understanding and appreciation, Melanie. It means a lot. I’m hoping so too. ๐
Hi Sharell: I think you have a lot on your plate and considering all the travel, writing , family you are one mult-tasker who has inspired many to come to India by showing India in a very rational and objective way. Always good to read what you have to say. May be another book in future ๐ ?
Thank you! Yes, it does keep me very busy and I struggle to find balance at times. Definitely no book in the pipeline yet. I haven’t done anything noteworthy plus writing a book was exhausting!
Sharrell,
I am really happy that you stopped blogging – isn’t the privacy for you and your husband great ?!
All though I used to love your blog, I do realize that was one chapter in your life and had to move on.
I am happy you are doing many creative things that you love and still contributing in your own way
with out annoying privacy issues ๐
Thank you! Yes, it has made a huge difference. It got so bad that my husband even had someone turn up at his work place! Crazy. Enough was enough.
I totally know how you feel. I started to become serious about my blog right when you were slowing down, I remember wondering why you stopped and now as my blog has grown, I understand why.
The trolls are no joke. People can be downright nasty, especially to women. When they’re not calling us names, then they will be berating us for our thoughts and feelings about our OWN life experiences. It is baffling how people can just sit and do this.
It is a shame because I love the writing process, but dealing with comments makes so many writers and bloggers get burn-outs (myself included). And nobody sees it, the worst comments are faced by us and us alone. It would cause even the most strong people some emotional distress. It’s a pandora’s box.
As a writer, I leave the comments section open because I want readers to share their own stories – not attack me for mine!
Yes, exactly! It’s a big learning curve, and it’s not readily apparent what goes on behind the scenes (and the emotionally draining effect it has) until you experience it. Your blog is fantastic though — one of the best ones out there — so I hope you’ll keep it going for a long time.
Thank you soooooooo much…..that means a lot to me!
Hey Sharell! K I don’t quite know what to say but I just feel happy to say hi to you. Haha. I forgot I had liked your page in FB. So I was surprised to see one of your posts on my timeline and finally I ended up at this page. It’d imagine it’s pretty hard to stop blogging when it’s that popular. It’s cool that you knew what you wanted. ๐
I really liked your blog because of the different perspective it gave about everyday Indian life. It was refreshing. Thanks for taking time to share them via the blog. ๐ Funnily enough, I decided to take a break from your blog because I needed to stop getting upset about all of India’s problems every day. So I stopped stopped watching or reading news. And your blog came under that category. =P I just get pretty upset when there’s a problem and I realistically can’t do anything to fix it. So it was necessary for me. But I missed your blog regarding the perspectives it gave me. I now know you don’t blog that much now. So I didn’t miss out too much then! ๐
Anyway, I’m just happy to come across your website. I hope everything’s great at your end! ๐
I can completely understand how you felt! I also had to take a step back from all the problems and stop thinking about them. I don’t watch the news either and I skip over the stuff I don’t want to know about in the newspaper (which is quite a lot). I feel much more peaceful now that I’ve reached a level of detachment. ๐ Thanks for commenting!
Haha good to know about the detachment. ๐ Same here ๐
By the way, the website looks very elegant and beautiful!
I’m glad you like it. Image makeover, in keeping with the new direction of my blog/website! ๐
Namaste Sharell,
I have an array of cultural Websites I check on routinely, and today I opened up a few tabs and WhiteIndianHousewife was no longer there! I was briefly disappointed; however upon Bing-ing the name, I came to your new site here, and must say I truly love it.
This post of yours was disturbing in its reality, though I truly hope you continue to enlighten those of us who do care.
The world hurts sometimes, and the reality of the great aspects of the internet, blogging, etc., is also the reality of the bad. Equal access brings out the negatives, the trolls and the misogynists, as much as it brings out those of us with a genuine love for human culture and the role of everyday lives in it.
Thank you for all you do, and soon I will be getting an autographed copy of your book. And now it’s time to update that bookmark!
Sincerely,
Paul Pearson
Houston, TX
Thanks for your comment, Paul. I’m glad you found your way to my new website. I do aim to write more, although probably not as much as previously. I’d be happy to sign a book for you. ๐
Hi Sharell!
Your blog and its readers got me through a very rough time with my now husband when his mother came to the US to break us up years ago. She was here for months and it was awful. I was clueless about the traditional Indian marriage and dating customs, and I was quickly filled in thanks to your site. At that time there were not many other sites to get the real information and support that I needed. We did end up happily married. His family has been very accepting and kind since then.
I would never be bold enough to blog about my personal life and completely get why it would get to be too much! But thanks for being so open for as long as you did! Best wishes!
Hi Nola, I’m so very pleased to hear that! It makes it all worthwhile. ๐ Thanks for letting me know.
As an aussie who was saved from a life of materialistic consumerism by India. Enjoyed your expressive wordplay.GO YOU GOODTHING. Chris
That’s an expression I haven’t heard for a while! ๐ Love it.
This comment is for Sharell and A. Madhaven, both. I am on my second year of a very happy marriage to a wonderful Indian man. I ran across your blog, which caused me to seek out more, as well. I have been toying with the idea of starting a blog. I was wondering if you have any helpful tips or advice. Other than writing, I don’t know the real meat and potatoes of getting a successful blog up and going. One which can actually create a profit. Would you mind tutoring me a bit on the topic? Or, perhaps, you have some useful links? There’s so much useless jibberish out there, floating around.
Hi Jennifer, congratulations on your happy marriage! ๐ Unfortunately, it’s very difficult to make any significant money from blogging unless you generate a lot of traffic (page views) and have a niche that is marketable. If you started a blog, it would most likely have to be just be for the love of it. (Although you may get other opportunities from it). Main ways to monetize a blog are advertising and selling products — but you need to build up substantial traffic first.
This is a useful website for information: http://www.problogger.net/
You’ll also need to decide on a platform for your blog — whether a free one such as Blogger or WordPress, or self hosted. Self hosted offers more flexibility but also requires more technical knowledge.
Hope that helps for a start!
Hi Sharell, what is the name of your old blog? Is it still out there on the interent? And what did you use for this site/blog? Is it WordPress.org? Thank you. I love the design of your website ๐
Hi Marco, unfortunately the old blog is currently redirected to this website, so it’s not accessible. Sorry about that. Yes, this is a WordPress.org site with a template called Story. It’s simple to install and use. Here’s the link to it: http://themeforest.net/item/story-creative-responsive-multipurpose-theme/7824993
Hi Sharell, Went looking for your blog and ended up here. I bought your book and than started reading your blog long time back. Got quite busy with work and stopped checking your blog updates. Today I wondered how you are doing?
I am an Indian married to an Aussie lass and have been living in Sydney for the last 29 years.
After getting married back in 1986 we tried living in Delhi and gave up as it was not easy. Only after trying out for twelve months we gave up and moved to Sydney.Your story about living in Mumbai reminded me of our time in Delhi.
I am glad that you made India your home and are enjoying living there.
If you both are ever in Sydney and need a home cooked meal or a local who can show you around, let us know. It will be a pleasure to meet you.
Hi Rajeev, all is well. I’m still in Mumbai and we are about to move into our own apartment, which we’re currently fitting out. So, no plans to leave, although we do intend spending more time in Oz in the future. ๐ Hopefully, we will get to take you up on your kind offer one day if we visit Sydney (I have family and friends there, so it’s definitely likely). I can imagine how challenging it would’ve been trying to live in Delhi way back then. Life in India has become a lot easier since, I would imagine.
Namaste sharrell ji, how are you. I always wanted to be an explorer but couldn’t due to financial issues. I hope someday my dream will be fulfilled. I am going on a family tour to delhi, agra fatehpur sikri, mathura, dehradun, mussoorie, haridwar, hrishikes,huh! I hope I will be able to cover all these in 6 days. If you could give any suggestion I would be highly obliged.thanks & Regards -Radhika
Hi Radhika, unfortunately 6 days is way too little time to cover all those places! It would be very exhausting, as you need to factor in travel time too. I would leave out Dehradun and Mussoorie.
So Sharell the conclusion is you got the Fame, name and a lovely status! then why all the things to get happened… I Am following you since a long time on about.com and its my first visit to this blog (Sharell Personal Blog)… Felling Nice to be here too.D
Welcome! ๐ Unfortunately, I never wanted “fame, name and status”. It makes me really uncomfortable. Some people love it and long for it, but not me!
Oh! Really!! If so then good, if you go with โfame, name and statusโ then you become selfish… & if you do you work with honestly then you will get a reward of โfame, name and statusโ in free of cost…
Sharrell,
I always refer to my friends to your blog when they talk about travelling to India. Today, I visited your blog after a long time… and I am sad to read that you are no longer blogging regularly. I will still keep sending them to this blog to read the leftovers. ๐
Btw, you may not remember me, but, we met in person in Powai in 2013. If you are curious, I will send our photos. best wishes to you and Prata!
Congratulations on your long marriage! Happy New Year to Come!
“Whatโs more, it felt limiting being defined as a โbloggerโ, โexpatโ, or someone in a โcross-cultural relationshipโ”. Loved this bit.
I’ve been a follower of yours for a long time and love how you share your experiences in India. As an Indian expat living in the US that sentence resonated with me a lot. Every year thousands of Indians settle in western countries. Not the majority, but hundreds out of them marry locals and live their lives in the West. They also face the same difficulties, the culture shocks, the inevitable and humungous challenges of understanding and navigating a totally different system and culture. But we’re so used to looking at things a certain way, that no one thinks this is unusual or challenging. Neither these expats themselves, nor the people in the host countries think that there’s anything wow about it. Thanks for pointing out how it’s different for someone taking the reverse route, and how it’s making you feel.